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Signs of Emotional Unavailability: Understand and Recognize It

emotional unavailability

A lot of relationships get lost in the emotional unavailability of either partner. It can be very challenging for one partner to deal with the emotional unavailability of another partner. When one person is not there, the other feels unsafe in communication, opening up and connecting on a deeper level. That is why understanding it is essential. Also, the person with emotional unavailability has his/her own set of challenges that will result in the loss of relationships.

Today, we will talk about emotional unavailability and how it can affect your relationships. Also, how you can spot it, understand it and work on it.

What is Emotional Unavailability?

The term is very common and it refers to the inability or unwillingness to connect emotionally with others. These people often have a hard time making connections or being in serious relationships. This is how you know if your partner or you have it.

  • The person has a serious fear of commitment.
  • They can’t express their feeling comfortably.
  • Try to avoid personal or deep conversations
  • Have a lack of emotional responsiveness.

People with emotional unavailability can look quite caring and real but deep down, all their relationships are only at the surface level. They will never surrender themselves to their loved ones. This can create confusion, frustration and dissatisfaction in their partners.

Signs of Emotional Unavailability

signs of emotional unavailability
signs of emotional unavailability

Anyone can be emotionally unavailable in relationships regardless of gender, ethnicity or age. To know if your partner is one of them, check all these boxes first.

  • They withdraw from conversation, if it comes to commitment. Your partner may want to be with you but is afraid to say it and officially commit it.
  • Your partner may never want to have conversations that are deep and emotional. They will avoid discussing part of their life which brings nostalgic memories.
  • They show hot and cold behaviour. At one moment they are all pouring love and in another, they behave so distant and cold.
  • Such people will always put on their brave face. They will never try to show their weaknesses or vulnerabilities like pain, fear or insecurity.
  • You will never feel connected with such people. They will have intimacy of course or even casual conversations but will never connect with you on a deeper level.
  • They value their freedom above everything. Here we are not talking about general freedom. We understand that is important for everyone but relationships require certain adjustments. A person in a relationship will always have to think for two. Whereas, people who lack emotional availability will value their individual independence over the sake of two in relationships.

What Are Signs Of Emotionally Unavailable Woman?

As we said earlier, emotional availability is not gender related. Even very confident and successful women can be emotionally unavailable. They may not be vulnerable or open in relationships. Here is how you know, your girl is emotionally unavailable.

She Doesn’t Share Her Feelings

Emotionally, women operate on different levels. They are usually expressive. If your partner backs out emotionally in difficult times and doesn’t complain, this is a point of concern. She saying “I am fine” is not a green flag and to be honest, if she doesn’t give you a hard time in making her point know that something is wrong.

If she is too independent, this is not right. Usually, independence is seen as a positive trait in females. However, naturally, all women, want someone to lean on. They also crave love and safety in relationships. However, if your woman seeks answers on her own and tries to solve her problems without you involving, she doesn’t depend on you emotionally.

Inconsistent Availability

If your girl is loving one moment and distant in another, it may leave you wanting for more. This raises concern. A male partner will get offended about his standing in the relationship. This will make him feel worthless and “not wanted”.

She Has Difficulty With Intimacy

When women are in love, they invest everything in a relationship. Physical intimacy is one form of that investment. If she is reluctant to do so or even after your commitment, she is not fully yours, she will never be. The reason is that she is emotionally unavailable.

What Are The Signs Of Emotionally Unavailable Man?

emotionally unavailable man
emotionally unavailable man

When men are emotionally unavailable, it hurts relationships more. Men are supposed to be protectors and givers to their women. So when the one in charge is not present, the whole ship drowns. Here are common signs of an emotionally unavailable man:

  • They will never commit which is a serious red flag in a relationship. When a man doesn’t want to commit, a woman will never want to be in a relationship so weak and unsafe. She feels insecure and will never indulge fully in her divine feminine.
  • An emotionally unavailable man never seeks your emotional support. We all have fear, insecurities and things that we don’t want to face. So he is not brave enough to share or face them with you by his side, he is emotionally unavailable.
  • He is more physical and less interested in how you feel. Even if he is affectionate in physical intimacy, the emotional space will always starve and crave for more. This will lead to dissatisfaction in a relationship.
  • If he feels emotionally detached in time of need, he is a red flag. Women need reassurance and partnership in a relationship. If your partner is not understanding enough, he doesn’t deserve you. Especially if he claims you are overreacting.
  • Emotionally unavailable men are usually less supportive, especially in times of need. They will never be there when you need them the most.

Impact of Emotional Unavailability on Relationships

Emotional unavailability can kill the essence of relationships. When one person seeks emotional security and the other one is unwilling to provide it, the relationship won’t survive for long. Here is what it can do to relationships

  • There will never be an emotional connection that keeps people bonded with one another. Over time, this lack of connection can lead to feelings of loneliness, frustration, and even resentment. A relationship without emotional safety is always on the edge of breaking point.
  • Emotional unavailability is directly related to communication level in relationships. Lack of communication means, that sooner or later, a breakup is going to happen. It will create tension and stress for the partner who seeks emotional validity in a relationship.
  • It can lead to insecurity and confusion. When a person becomes unsure of how their partner feels, it creates distance between them that only widens with time.
  • Also, with time it will create unrest and dissatisfaction leading to breakup. When a partner feels unfulfilled and unsupported, they may even leave the hope of making it work.

Can Emotional Unavailability Be Fixed?

fix relationship issues
fix relationship issues

Yes. It may not be permanent. However, this will only work, if a person is willing to work on themselves. Here is what you can do

  • Try to have open conversations with your partner. Express and let them express. Even if any of you don’t want to, try to be expressive and see how it will magically shift the state of the relationship from a dark place towards light.
  • Try therapy and couple counselling. It will help you understand the needs of your partner and also to navigate your own standing in a relationship.
  • Nothing happens overnight. Give time and be patient about your relationship.

In short, emotional availability can deeply affect relationships. It can create barriers and break your relationship. Seriously work on it.

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